Empathy Clarity Beyond the Bedside

In my last column I wrote about empathy clarity, the practice of being present with another’s emotional experience without it becoming your own. It makes perfect sense in caregiving, where supporting emotions is a big part of the actual work. But what about the rest of us?

At Biscochito, our administrative team answers phones, processes invoices, designs marketing materials. Regular workplace tasks. We’ve discovered that empathy clarity transforms how we work together, because here’s the truth: we all have feelings at work.

Here’s what happened when our admin team started practicing empathy clarity:

First, we became more curious. A beloved caregiver recently gave notice to return to hospital work. Instead of just accepting her resignation, we sat with her, genuinely curious about her reasoning. We discovered she’d love to continue as a substitute, especially during holidays, but needed a break after two clients she’d grown close to had died. Now she remains part of the organization, subbing occasionally and benefitting from our ongoing caregiver support and professional development.

Second, empathy clarity helps us trust our feelings at work. We all sense workplace tensions: a strange comment that lingers, the same mistake repeated, something indefinable but present. Usually we wait until there’s an undeniable pattern of damage. But empathy clarity lets us lean into discomfort instead of stepping back.

This happened when an important but increasingly volatile team member had several outbursts that created uncertainty and mistrust. The team trusted their instincts that there needed to be real work to heal the breakage in the shared professional relationship. When the coworker chose not to engage in that work, the professional relationship ended. Everyone’s authenticity (including the departing team member’s) was uncomfortable. And everyone (including the departing team member) was clear and kind and authentic.

Third, it allows us to seek meaningful support from each other. When I’m not sure how to support the next big step we need to take as an organization. As Andrea’s responsibilities have become more complex and extensive. During Kiyo and Ashley’s weekslong journey to clarity on overtime and holiday pay rules in multiple states. While Peter transferred all our payroll and banking information during our nonprofit transition. When Nina and Roberta face a no-show caregiver for a 12-hour shift. We can’t do it alone. Because we practice the skill of empathy clarity together, we feel safe asking for help, not just with tasks, but with the weight of it all. We can say “this is hard” without drowning each other, offer support without harboring resentments, be human together while getting the work done.

The emotional labor of work isn’t just about managing feelings to get through the day. It’s about creating conditions where people can bring their whole selves, feelings and all, to enhance our professional effectiveness. Our admin team discovered that the skills we teach caregivers make our work better too.

When you can be present with a colleague’s frustration without taking it on, when you can feel your own disappointment without drowning in it, when you can stay curious instead of reactive, everything shifts. The work gets better because the humans doing it are more authentic, more connected, more able to navigate the inevitable emotional currents of caring about something.

Next week, I’ll share specific practices for developing empathy clarity. For now, I’d invite you to notice this: wherever you work, you’re already doing emotional labor. The question is whether you have tools to do it authentically and sustainably.

Because whether you’re holding someone’s hand at their bedside or holding space in a budget meeting, your feelings are there, and so are everyone else’s.

This column ran in the Santa Fe New Mexican on September 30, 2025, under Business Different.

Note for the archive: the practices promised here ran three weeks later, on October 21, 2025, under the title How We’re Practicing Empathy Clarity.